10. Mets pitchers will no longer work on pitch counts. Jerry Manuel however will now be on a Pitcher count.
9 . In hopes of removing the negative stigma of the last few years, the Wilpons are looking into re-naming the Mets the New York Jackie Robinsons.
8. The Pre-game locker room shake shack buffet will be removed due to a certain relief pitchers bathroom issues.
7. Going forward, any future Mets coaches must have real names. No more Razors and Chips, but good old fashioned American names like Mike and John.
6. Mike Pelfrey will now make mound visits to lick other pitcher’s hands.
5. Keith Hernandez will now be allowed to stumble down to the dugout in the late innings and drunkenly berate the team.
4. The Derek Jeter Ford Edge commercial will now play 25% less on SNY. It will now be limited to 149 airings per game.
3. The walls at Citi Field will be raised an additional
25 feet. Ownership felt that since the Mets aren’t going to hit homers, no one else should be able to either.
2. Ollie Perez will be dropped from the team health insurance plan contingent on whether the Mets can prove that “sucking” is a pre-existing condition.
1. The Mets will introduce yet another alternate jersey in June. On this jersey, the Mets logo will be replaced with…
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