he was having some issues with his alarm clock. Today we pick up the action at Matthew's Steak House, an establishment that used to be good, but now the underwhelming quality and service don't nearly justify the high prices. This is Wilpon's favorite restaurant. Our reporter managed to disguise himself as a waiter and overheard this exchange a few minutes after Wilpon's sirloin steak order was delivered.
Mrs. W: How's your steak?
Fred: The first few bites were good but here in the middle it's kind of grizzled and chewy. The last part is actually awful.
Mrs. W: But then why are you still eating it?
Fred: I'm paying for a full steak so I'm eating a full steak. I would think that you know this about me by now.
Mrs. W: Why do we even come here anymore?
Fred: This place used to be good. Sure we could spend a little more and go to a Zagat rated place but if we just keep coming here as much as possible the food will turn around and this place will be good again. When that happens, we'll look like geniuses.
Mrs. W: Can we just go to the movie?
Fred: Sure, let me just choke down these last two bites.
Our reporter catches up to the Wilpon's on line at the movies. Apparently Fred got suckered out of $500 in a three-card monty game outside the cineplex. Smith overhears this exchange:
Fred: I don't know what went wrong. It seemed like such a sure thing.
Mrs. W: You know those games are fixed, right?
Fred: No way. That other guy was winning like crazy.
Mrs. W: I'm pretty sure they knew each other. They left in the same car!
Fred: You're just being paranoid. Let's just try to enjoy the movie.
Mrs. W: What are we seeing anyway?
Fred: Cats & Dogs 2: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Mrs. W: Is that really the best movie out?
Fred: Well we could see Inception but it would cost a dollar extra. You see, I got this coupon on the back of my box of Minay-O's cereal and we can save a dollar if we see the dog movie.
Mrs. W: So you'd rather spend 15 dollars on a second rate movie instead of 16 on a blockbuster hit?
Fred: You bet. And we're gonna stay for the whole thing no matter how bad it is.
Our insurance doesn't cover the emotional damage Cats and Dogs would have inflicted on him so Smith returned to Casa De Wilpon and waited for them to return. When they did, he heard this:
Mrs. W: Thank God that torture is over. Fred, are you going to play golf in the morning?
Fred: Absolutely. But we have a real early tee time. I have to be up by 7 to get there on time. Let me just set this alarm clock...
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story written by Larry Smith and Randy Medina
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