Terry Collins has been named to the position of "fiery manager" having replaced Jerry Manuel, "cool manager", who in turn, replaced Willie Randolph, "complacent manager."
Because it has been over a decade since Collins last managed in the majors he wants to make sure that he has all the fieriness back by the time his players reach camp in mid February. To that end he has been working tirelessly the past few weeks with Mookie Wilson down in Port St. Lucie.
The plan is to work for a week or two on all the necessary components of being a fiery manager. One has to stand up for one's players with the umps and the press. But also an effective fiery manager has to know when and how to get into his players' faces when they are not performing up to snuff.
Currently Collins is working on reestablishing his technique for arguing with the umps. The components of which are (1) charging out of the dugout, (2) stopping as close to the umpire as possible so that there is no bumping and leaving the minimum space possible between the bill of the manager's cap and that of the ump and (3) choosing the correct words for a long vigorous argument. Collins is currently working with a wax statue of an ump but hopes to move up to live sparring next week.
Mookie reports that Collins shows good explosiveness coming out of the dugout and has no problem quickly reaching home plate or the nearest base (e.g. first base if the team is in the first base dugout).
The years however have taken a toll on the manager so that his speed to second base is now woefully slow, think Rod Barajas slow. Often Collins forgets what he came out to argue about by the time he eventually arrives at second. To cover for that eventuality he has been practicing using terms that are less specific: "You totally blew that call." or "My guy was just the opposite of what you just called him."
In the next week the focus will be on vocabulary - relearning how to say: "That was a (bleep bleep) call," all the while not calling the umpire himself a (bleep bleep) ump.
By the time the exhibition games start in late February the manager figures to be in midseason form.
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Today's story by Larry Smith. You can follow Larry Smith on twitter @dr4sight