In a statement released by Major League Baseball, Commissioner Bud Selig says:
According to the offices of Major League Baseball, players who test positive for Charlie Sheen will face no punishment in the next six months while the new rule is implemented. This news comes as a relief to New York Mets backup catcher Ronny Paulino who has already tested positive for Charlie Sheen.Major League Baseball remains committed to removing all performance enhancing drugs from the game of baseball and a big part of this is being proactive in banning new substances as they are discovered. Though little is known about the substance being called "Charlie Sheen", we felt that the side effects of this drug are more than enough to warrant it's inclusion in our list of banned substances. According to our research, prolonged exposure to Charlie Sheen can cause Bi-Winning Disorder and may cause your face to melt off and your children to weep over your exploded body.
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