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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Alien Creature Who's Been Impersonating Jason Bay For The Last 2 Years Captured

Police raided a hotel room in Port St. Lucie, Florida on Wednesday and made a shocking discovery.  Officers who thought they were responding to a simple noise complaint instead found Mets left fielder Jason Bay being held against his will...by Jason Bay.

During a brief struggle the officers quickly discovered that one of the Jason Bays was clearly not what he seemed.  Officers arrested Zelphod Grgg an extra-terrestrial of unknown origin. Apparently, Grgg had captured Bay shortly after he had signed with the Mets and has been impersonating him since.  At some point yesterday, the real Bay was able to remove his gag and began screaming which alerted another guest who called the police.

The real Bay will report to spring training with the Mets this week and seems to be taking the whole ordeal in stride.  "The guy...thing...whatever just really wanted to play baseball.", said Bay. "Honestly he's not a bad guy...er lizard...er whatever. I just want to get back to baseball and meet my new teammates. I'm really looking forward to challenging those big walls at Citi Field."

Bay's manager Terry Collins admitted that he was not surprised.  "Besides the poor performance on the field there were some other red flags.", said Collins. "He came into my office one day last season and asked for a day off because of a sore ovipositor. It sounded weird but so much weird (stuff) happens around this team that I frankly just stopped trying to keep track of it all."

Grgg was not available for comment but his lawyer, who we also assume is some kind of replicant lizard shape shifting thing, released a statement declaring the creatures innocence on account of "Earth laws not applying to us". Grgg will remain in police custody before being handed over to officials from the U.S. government.
 
Despite being thrilled to get their left fielder back, the Mets are taking no chances and have offered Grgg a non-roster invite to compete for a spot on the opening day roster.  "We like his glove and he may fit as a late inning defensive replacement.", said Mets GM Sandy Alderson. "Of course the government will probably want to dissect him first. Once all that gets sorted out, we'll re-evaluate him."

All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple.

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