Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Las Vegas Sportsbook Allows Fans To Gamble On Mets PR Disasters
(20-1) - David Wright ends another players season by stepping on them
(40-1) - Fred Wilpon does a magazine interview in which he says David Wright won't get "Jose Reyes" money when he becomes a free agent
(10-1) - Mike Pelfrey is put on the DL with some kind of hand licking virus usually only seen in Pomeranians
(2-1) - Fans complain that opening day tribute to Gary Carter is an exploitative money grab by the Mets
(2-1) - Same fans complain that Mets didn't do enough to honor Gary Carter
(100-1) - Mets player tries to bring back the Hitler mustache
(75-1) - Mets consider moving the fences back after David Wright and Jason Bay's lack of power is deemed to be the result of trying too hard to go for the "short porch"
(50-1) - Banner Day is a disaster when 99% of banners are not allowed into Citi Field for containing profanity about the Wilpons. In the end, the only person marching is the guy from MetsPolice.com
(500-1) - Someone goes out for Dominican food and never returns
(1-1) - Carlos Beltran makes a seemingly innocuous statement and Mets beat writers go off on him
(300-1) - R.A. Dickey leaves Mets to pursue a full time mountain climbing career
(1000-1) - Terry Collins has to restrain a frustrated and possibly inebriated Keith Hernandez from inserting himself into a game as a pinch hitter
(5-1) - Kevin Burkhardt has to conduct an interview while a man in a tin foil hat tries to contact Jupiter behind him
(200-1) - The Mets save money by checking Daniel Herrera at baggage claim
(100-1) - The airline loses Daniel Herrera
(60-1) - Jeff Wilpon leaves his luxury box and comes down into the crowd to take a swing at the man he calls "That 7 Train T-Shirt Guy"
(500-1) - The Mets fail to show up for a day game when the entire team oversleeps. Fans who show up are treated to a screening of the Schwarzenegger film Commando
(10,000-1) - The owners of the Willets Point junkyards win a legal battle which requires the Mets tear down Citi Field to make room for more junkyards
(1000,000-1) - Ike Davis shows no ill effects of Valley Fever. Unfortunately the rest of the team is not so lucky and the Mets are forced to forfeit the month of August while the entire team except for Davis recovers from the disease
All articles featured on The Apple are fictitious. No Mets were harmed in the writing of this story. Follow me on Twitter @readtheapple.
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