Dear The Apple,
Recently, you have been seeking to unmask Captain Shorts. I am urging you to give up this quest. In the end it doesn't matter who Captain Shorts is. All that matters is the message. I'm going to show the people of New York that Citi Field doesn't belong to the inept and the corrupt. People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy. I can't do this as Mike Victorn or Kevin Kierst. A man is just flesh and blood and can be ignored or destroyed. But as a symbol... as a symbol, I can be incorruptible...everlasting.
PS- High Five!
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